Friday, April 29, 2005


On Tuesday afternoon, my husband and I went for our second ultrasound appointment. Our two little beans were still there, hearts all a-flutter. I had been driving my husband crazy since the first ultrasound- convinced that something had gone wrong. Not that I had any real reason for thinking such a thing. I have a feeling I'll be nervous about this pregnancy until the babies are eighteen years old and heading off to college. But I am trying my best to take one day at a time and enjoy it for what it is. Easier said than done.

So, we're slowly outing ourselves as future parents to friends and family. The people who don't know that we did IVF all ask whether twins run in the family and wonder how long we were trying. The folks that know about IVF are thrilled (as we are) that we succeeded on the first try and are getting two for the price of one.

My mother has already picked out sweaters and buntings to knit and quilts to make. (She's handy like that.)

I am starting to feel more pregnant every day. Part of it is the fact that I am both starving and queasy every moment that I am awake and so I am eating through the nausea (at times with more success than others) . I am also exhausted and find no relief no matter how many naps I can squeeze in during an afternoon. My belly is growing, but that is more to do with all the food I am shoveling down my throat trying to nourish the little ones and less to do with the little ones who are right now only about an inch long.

I am convinced they are a boy and a girl. That the boy is the one closer to the top of my uterus, that the girl is the one on her side. Time will tell if I am right.

So everything is fine. So far. I am hoping that the end of trimester one will bring some sense of relief. Only a month to go!

Friday, April 15, 2005

two for one


I had my first ultrasound yesterday. And before the technician could even point them out, I saw the two sacs. Twins! We're having twins!

Too early to hear the heartbeats, but we will go back in two more weeks to look at the little guys again and hopefully hear those little hearts thumping away. In the meantime, we have photos to look at again and again. And a video. My babies are only 1.5 mm long, but they star in their own video!

Saturday, April 09, 2005

weekend update

It looks like I'm still pregnant. Five weeks and 0 days pregnant, to be exact. My second beta came back at 2453 taken exactly a week after the first. I'm told those numbers are good.

I have to say- I don't feel pregnant. Whatever that is supposed to mean. My breasts are a little more tender than usual, but I can still sleep on my stomach and I can take a shower with the water turned out full blast without bursting into tears. And the queasiness is gone. I do have some cramping, which serves the sole purpose of convincing me that the next time I go to the bathroom, my underwear will be covered in blood. Basically, my only "real" symptom is fatigue. I am so tired. More than tired, exahusted really. But I have my doubts as to whether that is because my body is working hard to create new life or because my little puppy picked up a bad habit of waking up to bark every few hours in the middle of the night.

I don't think I'll be convinced of this pregnancy thing until I have my first ultrasound and can see that little critter (critters) in there for myself. Better yet, if I can actually recognize what I am seeing as a future human being and not just a grayish blob.

I'm trying to enjoy this. Really, I am. Just not too much. Don't want to be disappointed later if all doesn't go as planned.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

and the results are. . .

Of course this had to be the month that the phone bill didn't get paid and so our phone service was shut off this weekend which meant I couldn't post my news.

I HPT-ed again on Friday evening and got another second line.

We called the fertility clinic where my blood had been drawn and found out that my beta results wouldn't be ready until Saturday morning. Originally, I had been told after 6 on Friday, but since this is Mexico, I have to say I wasn't too surprised at the delay.

So I remained cautiously excited, but needless to say did not get much sleep at all on Friday night.

It didn't help any that we were scheduled to go to a 1 year old's birthday party on Saturday and I didn't know how to get out of it should my Beta be negative, given that my husband is the godfather to the child.

We went to the clinic first thing on Saturday morning and I got my little envelope. My HCG was 65. My RE told me that he liked to see numbers greater than 50. And last time I checked 50 was bigger than 65, so I was happy. Very happy. Especially since the blood was drawn a day early.

I am allowing myself to call myself pregnant. At least to my husband and to my mom (called her with the news last night). And I will go back to have more blood drawn tomorrow to make sure my HCG levels are rising as they should.

I have been feeling a little queasy and crampy. I just hope those are good signs.

I guess I'll know more on Wednesday (when I assume tomorrow's results will be ready?). Keep your fingers crossed for me a little while longer please. I so appreciate it.

Friday, April 01, 2005

what i did last night

I went to the lab for my Day 26 bloodwork yesterday afternoon and was confirming this morning's appointment for my Beta with the lab tech. She suggested that she draw the beta blood yesterday so that I wouldn't have to come in again today and so my poor veins would only have to be poked once. I asked her if the difference between 5:45 pm one day and 9:00 am the next would be significant and she assured me that it wouldn't. And so I let her take the extra blood.

I have to admit, there was something appealing about doing the Beta on any day other than April Fool's.

I still won't get the beta results back until after 6:00 tonight though. Possibly not even until tomorrow morning.

But. . .

I stopped at the pharmacy on the way home and picked up an HPT. And I peed on the stick.

And. . .

I got a second line. It was faint at first, but then got darker.

I was so sure there wouldn't be anything there. But I saw it. Even my husband agreed that that second line couldn't be called "faint".

I am elated.

But I am also terrified. Scared to death that this is just a false positive. That tonight I'll get a phone call that will tear everything I've been hoping for out from under me.

But until then, I am letting myself be excited. A little bit. A very little bit.