Friday, February 11, 2005

decisions, decisions

A while back I posted about how my husband and I had narrowed down our potential list of donors to three. How all were smart and mathematically inclined, how any of them would be a more than okay choice for the biological father of our future child(ren). When I posted, we still had a bit of research to do, hadn't yet listened to their audio interviews (or had we?). At any rate, what I thought was the beginning of the end was really only the beginning.

We listened to the audio interviews a couple of weeks ago. And I have to say hearing the guys' voices was surreal to say the least. That, and bachelor #1 had a slightly whiny, nerdy voice so he was quickly knocked to the bottom of the list. Bachelor #2 had a great voice and seemed to be most like my husband personality-wise, he moved into first place. And by default, Bachelor #3 came in second.

After listening to the audio interviews, my husband wasn't so sure that any of our choices were perfect. And to be honest, neither was I. Who knew that what can sound great on paper, can sound so geeky in real audio. We agreed to keep looking. To try to find some other candidates, to see if any one could top our choices. A couple of nights ago, we went back online and searched and searched, but nothing worked. We'd already agreed not to choose anyone who didn't have baby pictures on file. And so that narrowed down our choices quite a bit. The guys we did look at all had something unsatisfactory in their profiles: a low GPA, the wrong hair color, too tall, too heavy. The one guy who seemed almost perfect turned out to be (pardon my superficiality) one of the ugliest babies I have ever set eyes on.

And so we returned to our original three and decided that Bachelor #2 was our first choice. Fine. Good.

Until today. When I reread his medical history and saw a little too much high blood pressure for my taste. A few too many incidences of cancer in the family. Diabetes. Lupus. He drinks a lot (and so do I- who I am kidding), but somehow it bothered me. And so I e-mailed my husband and told him that I wasn't feeling as good about this guy as I once was. Especially since I'm adopted and have no idea what lurks in my medical history. I'd rather be cautious than regretful.

And I thought my husband would protest. Bachelor #2 was his guy. The one he found, the one he wanted above all others, the one that seemed the most like him on the audio interview. But he didn't protest. He wrote me back and said that #3 is now our guy. No discussion necessary. And I feel relieved and settled in a way I didn't when we had first made our "final" decision.

So, unless his vials run out before we place our order, we have a donor. A smart, mathematically inclined donor with high SAT scores, athletic ability, and a passion for ballroom dancing (remember him?). And while in my heart I hope we never have to use his services, its nice to know he's there for us if we do.

I never imagined that this part of the infertility would be so difficult. And yet it was the hardest part so far. But I think we're finally at the end of this stage.

Let the games begin.


Blogger Galloping Cats said...

It's amazing how many factors play into this. Stuff I never even realized when I thought I was going to have to seriously consider this route.

In some ways, it's almost like you have too much information. I mean, you wouldn't choose a mate based on medical history, but here you have this opportunity to choose a biological child for your father with all the details just laid out there. And even though you don't have to like the guy, you have to like the guy!

I'm glad you feel at peace with your decision and hope you don't have to use any bachelor other than your own. Buena suerte.

4:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope all goes well for you. :)

6:56 AM  
Blogger Soper said...

Ballroom dancing? Do you really want the father of your baby to be gay?

Just kidding! Just kidding! Don't beat me up, I'm sorry!

12:47 PM  
Anonymous spillergirl said...

He sounds wonderful. Keep trusting your intuition.

And congratulations on one more step completed.

9:00 PM  
Blogger Sheri said...

Congrats on finding a donor. Picking one is so very, very hard. Good luck to you.

11:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just came across your blog about counseling infertility and wanted to drop you a note telling you how impressed I was with the information you have posted here. I also have a web site about counseling infertility so I know what I'm talking about when I say your site is top-notch! Keep up the great work, you are providing a great resource on the Internet here! If you get a chance, please stop by counseling infertility

4:14 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home