Sunday, January 09, 2005

eeny meeny miney mo

I thought I was done with all of the preliminaries leading up to this IVF. Not so. Yesterday morning I had more blood drawn to determine my thyroid function, my sedimentation rate, and my prolactin levels. But I think this is it until March when I'm scheduled for my mock transfer and SIS. At least I hope so.

Yesterday was also the day that my husband finally got online and looked at sperm donors with me. I assumed he had been avoiding the task due to the emotional discomfort of trying to find someone to replace him in the role of providing DNA for our future children. Everytime I had asked him to look at the donors I had chosen, he said he's do it "later". Well, later turned out to be yesterday afternoon. And I was shocked at his giddy response to the searches we did. He actually seemed to be having fun and even jokingly suggested that maybe we should skip his surgery and go straight to the donor sperm since the guys topping our list all seemed to be smart, well-rounded, mathematically inclined, artistic and athletic.

We narrowed it down to three guys. Two from my original list and one that my husband found all by himself and was impressed by mostly because of his height (6'0), his high SAT scores (a 790 in math!) and his professed love of traveling by motorcycle. It didn't hurt that the staff impression of the donor was very favorable- "very cute with a great build". We ordered the more extensive profiles (essays, 3 generational medical histories, baby photos, personality tests, and audio interviews) for our picks and so are now able to download any of this information at our whim. I took a peek at some of the essays and medical histories yesterday and have to say that I didn't find any real skeletons in the closet. All three of our guys were cute kids. All three are smart and excel in the sciences. All three seem to have interesting hobbies (though my husband is a bit put off by the guy who raises tarantulas for fun).

And I finally found out what motivates these guys to donate their genetic material in the first place. MONEY! In their answer to the question about why they decided to become a sperm donor, each of our guys mentioned the money. Strangely, that wasn't off-putting in the least. I was relieved that they were being so honest about it. I'm not sure what my reaction would have been if they had written some dribble about wanting to help others achieve their dreams of starting a family. Nice thought, but come on! What 22 year old guy really thinks that way?

So the next step is to narrow down our choices. Sort of. When we order our vials, we need to have three potential donors (which we do), but we need to rank them in order of preference. That's going to be tough. It was hard enough narrowing it down to 3 guys, but now to decide which one of the three is better than the others? Do we go with the guy whose baby picture most closely matches my husbands? The one who scored highest on the SATs? The one with the cleanest bill of health? I couldn't even begin to tell you what the most important factor is to me anymore. Well I could. But I would wind up contradicting myself left and right. And that's just the dilemna here.

Luckily we have some time before we have to call in our order (about 8 weeks to be exact). And so I expect to read and reread those essays, check and recheck those medical histories, listen to those audio interviews over and over again looking and lsitening for some sort of clue. It's difficult work. But its certainly interesting. And at the end of the day, as my husband keeps on reminding me, any one of our potential donors would be okay as a biological father. If he's okay with randomly assigning them preference, then I guess I can be too. But first I want to check over those profiles again.


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