Thursday, September 09, 2004

dr. blog

I haven't cried about my frustrations with infertility in ages, but last night let it all loose in a dream. I cried and swore and shouted and ruined a wedding. And felt much better when I woke up. I'm pms-ing hard, so the waking tears are bound to appear soon and I hope that they bring as much relief as the dream tears did.

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I wonder if they know we're all out here in bloglandia. Our doctors, I mean. Our gynecologists and REs, our embryologists and lab technicians, our radiologists and nurses. I wonder if would make a difference if they did know, if they actually took the time to read our blogs. Would they realize (possibly with horror) that they aren't dealing with isolated patients, but with a community of infertiles who communicate with each other fairly regularly about our diagnoses, our treatments, our every interaction with them ?

Would they recognize themselves in our blogs, see how we dissected our last phone call with them, the last e-mail we got, the last office visit? Would they bother to comment , to explain why they spoke to us the way they did, why they took so long to return our calls, why they recommend the course of treatment that they do?

My guess is that if they knew that we were out here in such great numbers, they might be a little bit intimidated. Dr. Hope might suddenly realize that my million questions are not coming out of nowhere, but are informed. Not by research or science necessarily, but by the experiences of other women who are struggling with similar situations.

If they knew that we were comparing notes on them do you think that they'd do things any differently? Would they explain things better? Try to make things a little less confused for us, a little less frustrating? Maybe. But maybe not. Would we censor ourselves if we knew they were reading?

What if they had blogs of their own and complained about us? Praised those of us who are the "good" patients? Quoted our questions and then made a snide comment? I shudder to think what Nurse Helpful's stand-in would write about me.

5 Comments:

Blogger amanda said...

Interesting. You would have to think that some of the doctors know of infertility blogs, at least in the general sense. I'm sure they are fans of google, too. I do wonder if many RE's or nurses take the time to read blogs. I don't know, but it's fun to ponder.

6:18 PM  
Blogger amanda said...

And I'm sorry you're having a tough time right now. Sometimes it just hits you out of nowhere. Hang in there.

6:19 PM  
Blogger Indigo Wolf said...

Over at Julie's Blog (A Little Pregnant) there was a poster named Maria who is an OB who also had fertility issues. It was quite refreashing to get her take on things. However, I haven't seen her post in ages.

8:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, some of us doctor's have our own blogs. I'm sorry you've had a bad time recently. I wish you the best of luck.
When I was pregnant, I found it extremely uncomfortable whenever I saw a patient with fertility issues, or who had had a miscarriage. How could I possibly show my sympathy with a big belly out in front? My job was to be supportive and empathetic, and I really felt as though I wasn't doing my job.

8:25 PM  
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