Tuesday, August 17, 2004

unfair and unbalanced

Still no word from Dr. Hope or Nurse Helpful. So, they've either fired me as a patient after my last somewhat hysterical e-mail and have neglected to tell me or, Nurse Helpful is on vacation now too. The second is the more likely scenario as I seem to remember her telling me that she was going away the last two weeks in August. And sure enough, here we are in the last two weeks of August.

Just to cover all of my bases as the annoying patient of the year, I sent off another e-mail this morning to Nurse Helpful's stand-in. I cc-ed Nurse Helpful of course and asked the same gazillion questions that were in the original e-mail and added a couple more for good measure. If I haven't already been fired, I'm hoping that Nurse Stand-in doesn't have the authority to can me and that she'll have to answer each and every question in a thorough and timely manner in order to avoid getting canned herself.

So, while things in DC seem to be moving slooooowly, things here in Mexico are moving right along. I've got yet another appointment at the lovely Centro Fertilidad this week. I am so looking forward to having my uterus and fallopian tubes filled with dye, I can't imagine why I've never done this before.

Not that my husband having his naughty bits sliced into smithereens isn't nothing, but I do have to say that there seems to be something a little bit unbalanced about this whole male factor stuff. Supposedly, I'm not the one with a problem and yet I've had more blood drawn than he has. I'm the one who has to have the HSG. I'm the one who'll be injecting a hundred different kinds of meds into my butt, who'll have to live with his parents for three weeks. I'm the one who will go through the retrievals and the transfers. It seems like a lot for someone who is supposedly fine.

Now, I'm very aware that any problem my husband has with fertility is my problem too. It was right there in the wedding vows. "In sickness and in health, In fertility and infertility, 'til death do us part." And not that I'm keeping score (okay, maybe just a little), but I know that if I had PCOS, let's say, or some other condition that was affecting my ability to get pregnant, I'd still have to do all this stuff to achieve a pregnancy. Almost nothing would change for me. But for my husband? He'd be off the gurney faster than you can say "azoospermia", though he'd still have to give me my injections.

I'm simplifying it I know. Infertility affects us both because we are a couple. If he can't have a baby, then I can't have a baby and vice-versa. And while we tend to deal with the emotional aspects of it all very differently, we're still in it together. It doesn't really matter where the "fault" lies. And simple biology has to dictate the protocols of the procedures and the treatment, doesn't it? That's the reason that IVF will look pretty much the same from my point of view, from any woman's point of view regardless of whether its a male factor or female factor problem. And that's why we gals are the ones who (god-willing) will gain the weight and have the morning sickness and experience the pains of labor.

I'm sure I sound like I'm complaining about what's to come down the road. And I don't mean to be. The truth is, I'll do anything it takes to have a baby. Just tell me what I need to do and I'll do it. But please tell me before you go on vacation.


Blogger amanda said...

Man, that sucks. Why can't people just answer questions? I sure hope someone answers your email.

About the HSG, for some people it's a piece of cake and for others it hurts like hell. I took a Vicodin before hand, and it still was a bitch. I would recommend at least taking some Advil. Good luck with that.

What I've always found true about the difference between infertility testing and procedures when it comes to men vs. women is that the men are knocked out for anything beyond blood tests and SA, and we are simply told to take a couple of Advil. Doesn't seem fair.

I know what you're saying about having to go through everything when it seems as if everything is fine with you. Those thoughts pop into my head from time to time, but then I think of everything my husband's been through. He's done his fair share in my eyes. By the time you guys get to IVF (if that's the route you go down) your husband will have been through his fair share, too (the testicular biopsy, alone, is plenty). Plus, I'm glad I'm the one doing all of the physical stuff for IVF. I'm pretty sure that I'll handle it better than my husband would.

I sure hope you guys get some answers soon.

8:21 AM  
Blogger Monique said...

The lovely HSG.

I am so sorry you have to go through that.

Here's hoping this one will be your one and only.

1:02 PM  
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