Tuesday, August 24, 2004

leaving this behind

We leave tomorrow morning (early) to go to Boston for a wedding. My husband is the best man and I'm just a spectator. I'm pysched to see my best friend who will spend the day with me on Thursday hanging out and doing girly things. A pedicure is definitely on the agenda. And I'm looking forward to seeing my mom who will come down on Friday for lunch and a trip to the art museum. I'm happy to be getting out of Mexico for a few days, looking forward to eating fresh seafood, to drinking and dancing. But I'm slightly terrified to leave my computer- am still anxiously waiting word from Dr. Hope.

I've been catching up on my blog reading today and have been feeling strange about the controversy- I'm not sure where I fit into the picture as naively hopeful as I am about the route I'll be taking. Or the route I assume I'll be taking. I haven't experienced a loss other than the loss all of us infertiles undergo when we learn that having a baby won't be nearly as simple as we once thought. I wrote earlier today that I wished I was further down this path. And I do. In some (admittedly fucked-up)way, it's so that I can better empathize with those of you out there who have been through so much already. Mostly, though, its because I really want to be a mother. And I feel so far from that right now, not even knowing what its going to take for me to get there.

I've been thinking and thinking about this- how we all have different experiences with infertility and yet it is infertility that has brought us together (here in blogland).I think that it is important for us to be sensitive to each others' experiences, but also to be honest about our own. That can be a difficult line to tow, but it's how we learn and it can be a way to heal.

I have more thoughts on this, but am not sure that I can say them any more eloquently than what has already been said in other blogs. If nothing else, I'm grateful for this community.


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