Thursday, July 22, 2004

breaking up is hard to do

I found out yesterday that friends of mine have split up. They've been together for over 10 years if I'm doing the math correctly and have been married for at least 6 of those years. They bought a house together just over 2 years ago. She moved out in February. Didn't tell anyone that she had left. Didn't even tell her parents until a couple of weeks ago. I'm in shock.

Of my friends, this is the second couple I know of that have called things off. I found out recently that another friends husband moved out a couple months ago, but she knew that it was over a couple of years ago. They too, had recently bought a house. They too, had been together for a long time.

I don't know what to think about all this. I can't imagine things ever getting so bad in a marriage that you feel like you need to bow out. I know that it happens everyday. I know that there are a million different reasons to end a relationship, but the idea of having to make that decision whether to keep trying or finally give up seems like an impossible one.

The friend who told me about couple #1's separation told me that they were in counseling right now. Apparently their therapist said that this wasn't the first marriage she's seen break up soon after buying a house. Apparently, home reparation/restoration is a major deal-breaker for a lot of couples. That made me wonder what potential infertility has on a relationship.

For my husband and I, so far so good on that count, though I am not naive enough to believe that some harder times lie ahead. I know that we will have to make some hard decisions in the upcoming months and years. But for now, at least, we are on the same page about the big things.

The break-ups of my friends feel like such a shock to me and I know in part, its because I've been away for so long. Even if I personally didn't know about their troubles, I have to remember that there must have been troubles for some time. I believe that they did try to work things out, but that that task became to all-consuming, too hard, to impossible to keep up. It makes me sad. One more thing to add to the list.


Anonymous Anonymous said...


I was just looking around the net for web sites related to long distance relationship and came across your blog. I was going to add a blog to my site, for long distance relationship and of course other related material, but I'm not sure if it would work.
I'm a bit worried about getting un-wanted 'rude' posts rather than ones related to long distance relationship on my site...... perhaps I just try it out - then you can come and post on it :)

Take care

12:19 AM  
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4:14 PM  

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