Thursday, June 10, 2004

two week window

So, I'm 9 dpo (That's nine days past ovulation for all of you non-trying-to-conceivers) and in my past life (okay- one month ago), I would be pretty crazy right about now. Well, I'm pretty crazy right about now anyway, but for a different reason, of course.

I slept until 9:54 am this morning, something I rarely do. And my right nipple is a little sore and I had weird cramping in my uterine area yesterday afternoon. These are the things I used to live for. In my past life, I'd be stocking up on the home pregnancy tests, hanging out for hours on The Knot with my fellow TTC-ers, comparing every twinge, the number of times I peed in a day, the headaches I don't usually get, the sore breasts, the weird discharge, sure that THIS month would be the month.

For seven glorious cycles, I held out that hope. And for seven glorious cycles, I checked and re-checked my ovulation chart at Fertility Friend, praying that the temps wouldn't take a dive. And even when my favorite Aunt Flo (That's Ms. Menstruation to you!) reared her ugly head at the end of the two week window, I was okay with the fact (mas o menos) that the NEXT cycle would be the one.

It's a little liberating (in a sad sort of way) that I'm able to ignore all of these "early pregnancy symptoms" this month. There are no HPTs in the bathroom cabinet calling out to me to test even though its still early. I'm not attacking my husband when he comes home from work to report every little symptom I experienced, to tell him "I think this is the month." I'm drinking coffee again, and wine. And even smoking the cigarettes that I supposedly gave up last November when we started trying. (I'll quit again, I promise.)

I know that the time will come when I'm monitoring my cervical mucuous again. That I'll count my trips to the bathroom once more and pray that there won't be any blood on the TP. I'll look forward to sore breasts and nausea and exhaustion and check all of these symptoms off in the checklist in my head. But for now, I'm a little bit grateful that I have one less thing to obsess about. One less thing to be disappointed for at the end of the month.


Blogger Indigo Wolf said...

Too weird! I'm also 9 dpo. Before we found out about my husband's HIV, we weren't using any protection and I too would go through the whole series of checking sypmtoms and secretely hoping I was pregnant even though we weren't married yet. One month I was really convinced I was pregnant even to the point of telling some close friends. But no go, then just 2 months later we found out about the HIV. Talk about relief! It would be really cool if we ended up cycling tohether while we're ttc. Hubby and I will probably start at the beginning of next year.

11:44 AM  
Blogger Monique said...

Oh, those were the days. I did that for so long, that I think it drove my husband crazy. Then, one month I finally went insane thinking I was pg and went off buying everything in sight for "the baby". To find out that I was not pg was the most devestating blow I have ever felt. I backed off the "getting pregnant" obsession for quite some time before tip toeing my way back.

But... now, I am done with that. THANK GOD! I never knew that adopting could be such an amazing relief.

12:04 PM  
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