Tuesday, June 15, 2004

natural disasters

There was an earthquake in Mexico City yesterday evening. And it just so happens that my husband and I were in the waiting room of the Centro de Fertilidad when the tremors started. He had gone for his second semenalysis and we were waiting for the results, hoping that just maybe, the first test had been a fluke and this one would show at best a normal sperm count and at worst, some slow swimmers. So we're sitting there, trying not to get our hopes up too high, trying not to worry about the long, scientific process of getting me pregnant should the confirmatory test actually confirm the azoospermia of the first, when the walls started swaying.

We've had earthquakes here before and they usually only last a few seconds, but this one felt like it kept going on and on and on. We could hear creaking and I was not at all happy about being on the 4th floor of a building where our only way out was an elevator. A small, old elevator. My husband and I tried to joke about the earthquake's effects on his results- that if there were no sperm present it was probably because they'd gotten shaken off the slide, or if they were there, the tremors would aid them in swimming. "Wow!" we imagined the lab techs saying, "Look at those guys go!"

But the tremors stopped and the lab results came back. And they confirmed what we already knew. Hay nada. There was nothing there.

While the earthquake was happening, I thought maybe it was a sign from the powers-that-be. And I think, in fact it was. We returned home to our apartment to find that the power in our part of the city had gone out. But none of our art had fallen off of the walls, none of our dishes were shattered. Things had been shaken up a bit, but nothing was broken. Eventually the lights came back on.

Bear with me here, but right now I'm feeling that our infertility is a bit like yesterday's earthquake. It's certainly rocked our private little world. And it's a bit scary in that we're not sure when it'll all be over, when we'll be bringing a baby home. But it won't last forever and at the end of the day, we're merely shaken, but still in one piece. The lights will come back on and life will continue.


Blogger Monique said...

You go girl.

You hit it on the head.

I don't know about others, but for me all of this infertility and not having biological children just made my husband and I closer. Our relationship is strong and very tight-knit. And now that we are adopting it is kind of putting things in place for us. Infertility has relinquished it control over us and placed the control back in our hands.

It feels wonderful.

10:04 AM  
Blogger Indigo Wolf said...

You're absolutely right. And as long as you remember that the lights will always eventually come back on, even the toughest obsticals in life can be overcome.

2:23 PM  
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